Even though it appears that I have crawled off and died, I am in fact still living. Maybe just in mind and body...notsomuch in spirit. It's been a helluva few weeks, if I'm being completely honest. I don't even know why exactly other than work's been kinda stressful, home's been kinda draining, and the worst parts of me have been fighting hard to surface.
I attended a Women's Retreat with my church last weekend. I was NOT pumped about going at first because it's one of those things where you signed up to go because you knew you prolly should go but when it came right down to it you didn't want to put forth the effort to be nice to a bunch of people you didn't know. Well, I paid like a gajillion dollars to attend the thing, so I went and when I arrived at the nicest hotel I've stayed in since I married the man who doesn't value soft, clean sheets the way that I do, I felt that things were looking up. So, I got there early and asked that God would help me make some friends and if He decided not to do that, could He pretty please make me feel so comfortable in His arms that I didn't need to feel comfortable with a "group"?
Side note: When I go to women's conferences where I don't really know anyone - ya know, no safety zone - I always feel like I turn back into the 9th grade version of myself. Please like me. Am I wearing the right thing? Was that funny? Please like me. I don't really like you but I don't want you to think I don't like you because I want you to like me. I hate that I'm capable to reverting back to 9th grade me. I'm 25 for Pete's sake.
Well anyway, in worship on Friday night this phrase kept popping into my head. So, I jotted it down in my journal. "Your love beckons me to obedience." I have lots to say about that statement, but first I would really LOVE to hear what you all have to say about it. I know that some of you are just readers and not contributors. Well, when you think about not responding you just picture me in my cowboy boots stomping around in your head shouting, "Do it! Do it!" [In the least scary way possible, of course. The shouting is a happy, encouraging shouting, really. Picture me doing that. Maybe not stomping but shaking my booty to the left and the right, in rhythm with every syllable. If this whole section weirds you out, just skip over it. If it makes you laugh, you HAVE to contribute your thoughts.]
Ready? Go.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
I'm Not Dead
Posted by Southern Belle at 7:37 PM
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3 comments:
When I hear that phrase, I think about the times when I have not been happy to comply- ie. choosing the church we are currently in. I felt that my hubs and I should go to a different church, but he thought differently. It was really hard for me to go along with him, but I knew that God called me to submit to the hubs and his decisions. Thank goodness I submitted! I have never grown so much at a church as I have at our current church. I think that I was intimidated by the size and the people who went there, but ultimately, that shouldn't matter because God's love is enough to get me through the no friends phase, or any of the inbetween stages of life. Loving God means knowing that what he's asking us to do is probably the best thing...even if we kick and scream and cry and try to make our loved ones feel guilty (sad, but true confession!). Deep stuff, Southern Belle.
~Anonymous 2
You made me laugh so I felt I should respond!
Gosh, that phrase just reminds me that there is nothing on earth more powerful or provoking than God's love for me. It's humbling really. When I stubbornly think I don't need to read my bible or pray (often this goes for months at a time), when I think I'm doing good enough on my own, He finds some way to remind me that I am called out to live more than a complacent and comfortable life. He beckons me to greater things and though its usually not an easy path to follow (I am reminded of how self-centered and whiney I can be) it's always rewarding to be drawn closer to God by God himself. When I find myself slipping back to my unconfident 9th grade self (let me tell you that I do that, too!) He reminds me of His higher calling. And while God has to beckon, and often bellow, several times before I choose to heed his call, He always welcomes me as I am, no matter my spiritual condition.
Obedience is something God is teaching me a lot about these days. Here's what He's taught me so far.
1. God owns EVERYTHING. Nothing is mine-stuff, time, talents-all God's.
2. God is in control.
3. God will provide.
4. My job: be obedient.
That's it in a nutshell. I am finding that these truths apply in every area of my life. I am also finding that it is difficult to be obedient if I don't know what I am supposed to obey. For this reason, studying God's word is essential. I don't do this nearly as often as I should, but I'm learning...and God continues to teach me.
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