Out of the Funk

The last several posts have been very serious. A little too serious, I think. So, I was looking back through some writing that I did in the past, and I thought I'd let you in on a little of it.

This is my first attempt at an actual piece of fiction - with chapters and everything. So, if you like it, I'll continue to post bits and pieces. Keep in mind that it's very raw and unedited AND completely fictional - even though you may recognize similarities in some of the characters and people in my personal life. It's fictional - roll with it.

Enjoy!

Chapter 1

Addie peered out across the open field and there it was- the big oak that marked the spot. With the sudden burst of energy she received from the mere thought of the comfort she knew would be hers once she arrived, she hiked up her white dress and took off across the field, her bird legs flying out like propellers, slapping the tall grass out of her face as she flew. As she reached the old birch, she collapsed as the shade washed over her in a cool wave. For a while she laid there catching her breath and thinking about what a dumb decision her getaway would probably prove to be.

“What am I runnin’ from anyway?!” The sound of her voice sounded funny out there in the middle of all that nature. Things always seemed different out there.

“Not now. Not yet.” She had already made her decision. She had run away and now she needed to get to her destination. Once there, she could sit down and think on things. She stood and found the pink spot on the back of the tree that marked her starting point. She put her back to it and walked straight ahead toward the line of trees in front of her. As she reached the line, she glanced around for the first pink polka dot, and on a towering pine to her right she saw it. Addie ran to it and looked for the next dot. She found it, and as she moved from tree to tree, her heart beat quickened in excitement. She knew that if she could just get there, she could find some answers. After about the 10th polka dot, she came to a clearing and there it was. Her heart sunk a little. Time had taken its toll on the little cottage. The hot pink on the front door had chipped away to reveal the rotting gray wood behind it, and its decaying state was a good representation of the condition of the rest of the house. Even so, there was an air of magic in that clearing. Addie moved toward the door and found that it was locked. She stood there thinking for a moment, “Where did she keep that key? It’s been so long…”

Just then a rusted wind chime at the far end of the porch caught her eye. A smile crept across her lips and hope filled her heart. She remembered how proud she had been of that wind chime. She found it at a garage sale when she was 8 years old and thought it would make a perfect addition to the cottage. It was a fat, sassy old lady holding an umbrella. The wind had blown both her dress and umbrella up and she had the funniest look on her face. The rain and time had washed most of the paint away now, but Addie had a perfect picture of it tucked away in her memory. She reached up and felt inside of the upturned umbrella. Her heart leapt as she felt the jagged edge of the key against her fingers. She pulled it out, wiped off the cobwebs, walked to the door, inserted the key, and with a little force, turned the knob.

The door creaked open to reveal the happiest memories of Addie’s childhood neatly stored away and somewhat preserved. She collapsed into the lime green couch by the window on the far side of the living room, soaking up every happy color splashed across the room, remembering every glass of sweet tea that had been enjoyed on the porch, every flower that had been planted in the garden, every memory it all represented, and the two relationships that had molded her the most. It had all taken place here. Suddenly, she could hold the tears back no longer. She let them fall, there in her place of safety and comfort she had nothing more to hide. She wept over the past 5 years, over her poor decisions, over her incessant stubborn pride, over the relationship she had just closed the door on. Between sobs, she managed to whisper, “I can’t. I’m so tired” to whoever might be listening. As she drifted off to sleep, she heard, “Sleep, my child.” Her eyes flung open and she looked around. Was that audible or just in her head, or was it in her heart? “Just in my head…” she told herself as she drifted off again, and this time she fell into a deep sleep.

Britney

I watched the "Britney Spears: For the Record" special the other night. I am not a regular watcher of MTV because I usually feel disgusting after viewing any of the shows they air, but I saw the Britney Spears deal advertised and I was intrigued. I wanted to know what she had to say about the past several years of her life. We've seen tabloid pictures and her face plastered all over the news and heard countless people making fun of her in ways that I would never recover from, but we haven't heard her side of the story. So, I wanted to know. I decided that I would watch a little and if it was more of the same, I would change it. I'm trying hard not to be ultra concerned with the lives of celebrities. It tends to make me wish I had a different life, which is another post entirely.

So, I start watching this interview with Britney [we're not best friends or anything, I just don't feel like typing Britney Spears throughout this post], and I totally began to connect with her. I recognize that's probably what her people were going for, but I really, really did. I began to see her as this really normal Louisiana girl who just got swept up in the insanity of her life. Can I really say that I wouldn't have turned out the same way had I been through what she's been through? There was this one clip, though, that captured me. I couldn't stop thinking about it for days. Here's the clip:

MTV Shows

I just couldn't get her face and her desperation out of my head - Too much order. No passion. Feeling like a prisoner. Better not to feel.

I have been there. Not on the Britney size scale but I've been there. Actually, depending on the day I'm having, I could be there right now.

And then it occurred to me - for her, for me, for you. The answer is the same. Jesus. He insipires passion. Frees us. Allows to feel with our whole hearts. Jesus is the answer for us all. The trick is looking to Him for the answers every single day.

Another 5 Things Challenge

So, I noticed that I've been a bit whiny and butt-faced in my past few posts. I apologize for that. I wish I could say that you've just caught me on bad days, but truth be known, the past several weeks seem to have been string of bad days - mostly of my own doing. I wish that I wasn't a pessimist by nature, but I am. I, in fact, have to work extra hard not to be a pessimist. But I have this good friend who is actually quite the optimist - has been since I met her in the second grade. And I love that about her. I just visited her blog a little while ago and discovered a rather lengthy list of her things to be thankful for. Some of the things are rather small and trivial [which she acknowledges] but I love the fact that she sees them as things to be grateful for, things she has not earned but that have been given to her to enjoy! In honor of my "glass-half- full" friend, I am presenting you with another challenge. The 5 Things to Be Thankful For challenge. Even if you have to dig deep, I know you can think of 5 things - big or small. Here I go:

1. The Birth of Jesus...really and truly. The miracle of Jesus Christ - God in the flesh - being born to a virgin. Growing within her, waiting to be born and grow up and show us what God looks like walking among men. Then, He died on the cross so that we could have life...complete, full, abundant life...now and forever. If you really stop and think of the magnitude of the whole deal, it's a little overwhelming! And the tragedy for me is that I don't stop and think about it very often. This Christmas Season it's going to be different. I am going to reflect on Jesus - who He is, what He's done, and how His very presence brings inexplicable joy and peace to my life.

2. My husband. He just recently had the opportunity to show me some serious unconditional love. I mean he always loves me unconditionally, but on this particular day I'm sure he had to dig deep. I was ultra inconsiderate of his feelings and I pretty much just screwed up big time. It was the most real picture of Jesus' love I think he's ever shown me. I am grateful for him and for his sweet, tender heart as well as his glass-half-fullness. Plus he's my best friend and we have fun together - I like that, too :)

3. My family. I really love them a lot. It's a blessing and curse, but I'm thankful that I still have most of my grandparents, that I have parents who still love and guide and encourage me, that I have siblings who make me laugh and are more dependable than siblings are required to be. They make me laugh and cry and they are all still a part of my life. That's unusual and I'm thankful for it.

4. Sweets - I love, love them! The mere sight of them makes me excited - like they represent something more than just yumminess. I'm not really sure what it is - maybe feelings of being carefree and childlike again??

5. My dog, Bella Boosk. She is the most loving little creature God ever put on the planet. She is always excited to see me and never gets mad at me. She doesn't expect anything from me. Anything I give her is like a big, fat present that she never thought she would be so lucky to receive. I think there's something to be learned from that sweet little ole dog.

So those are the first 5 things to be thankful for that came to my mind. Your turn! Try it...it really does make you feel better.