Life contains but two tragedies. One is not to get your heart's desire; the other is to get it. -George Bernard Shaw

Ode on a Grecian Urn
John Keats

Thou still unravish'd bride of quietness,
Thou foster-child of silence and slow time,
Sylvan historian, who canst thou express
A flowery tale more sweetly than our rhyme:
What leaf-fring'd legend haunt about thy shape
Of deities or mortals, or of both,
In Tempe or the dales of Arcady?
What men or gods are these? What maidens loth?
What mad pursuit? What struggle to escape?
What pipes and timbrels? What wild ecstasy?


Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard
Are sweeter: therefore, ye soft pipes, play on;
Not to the sensual ear, but, more endear'd,
Pipe to the spirit ditties of no tone:
Fair youth, beneath the trees, thou canst not leave
Thy song, nor ever can those trees be bare;
Bold lover, never, never canst thou kiss,
Though winning near the goal - yet, do not grieve;
She cannot fade, though thou hast not thy bliss,
For ever wilt thou love, and she be fair!


Ah, happy, happy boughs! that cannot shed
Your leaves, nor ever bid the spring adieu;
And, happy melodist, unwearied,
For ever piping songs for ever new;
More happy love! more happy, happy love!
For ever warm and still to be enjoy'd,
For ever panting, and for ever young;
All breathing human passion far above,
That leaves a heart high-sorrowful and cloy'd,
A burning forehead, and a parching tongue.


Who are these coming to the sacrifice?
To what green altar, O mysterious priest,
Lead'st thou that heifer lowing at the skies,
And all her silken flanks with garlands drest?
What little town by river or sea shore,
Or mountain-built with peaceful citadel,
Is emptied of this folk, this pious morn?
And, little town, thy streets for evermore
Will silent be; and not a soul to tell
Why thou art desolate, can e'er return.


O Attic shape! Fair attitude! with brede
Of marble men and maidens overwrought,
With forest branches and the trodden weed;
Thou, silent form, dost tease us out of thought
As doth eternity: Cold Pastoral!
When old age shall this generation waste,
Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe
Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou say'st,
"Beauty is truth, truth beauty," - that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.

I read this poem for the first time as a senior in high school, and it has enchanted me ever since. Partly because my senior English teacher was awesome - props to Mrs. Newton. We had to create our own Grecian urns decorating it with the things that would tell the story of our lives up to that point - the things that, if someone found it in some far away future, would give them a glimpse into who we were. Very fun project. Mostly, though, I love it so much because of it's message. The thing is, I tend to be reminiscent to a fault. I always remember everything that was wonderful about a thing or a time or a relationship and none of what was miserable. I know we all do that from time to time, but I think that I have a severe case of the reminiscent dreamies [do you like that new term I just made up?]

I've always known this about myself, but it hit me square in the face during a Bible study I'm teaching on Wednesday nights. It's called No Other Gods by Kelly Minter. Although I haven't been completely wild about it from the beginning - mainly because it doesn't really fit my teaching style - last week was a good week in the study. Well, I didn't find that out until the night of the class because I, the faithful, committed leader that I am, didn't even touch the study all week long. Seriously. So, I had to confess to my class, all of whom did do their study, that I needed them to be extra participatory because I was a slacker loser who didn't fulfill my commitment for the week.

Anyway...we're studying false gods, obviously, and this week was on obsessions and insecurities. It was more on the relational aspect of false gods...from what I gathered from our conversation [such a slacker loser!] So, we studied the story of Leah and Rachel for 2 of the days. If you haven't read their story - do it. Genesis 29 & 30. It was basically Leah vs. Rachel. Battle of the sisters. Who can give Jacob the most son's? We started talking about whose story was most tragic to us. All but one of us wholeheartedly agreed it was Leah's story. All she wanted was Jacob's love, and she never got her heart's desire. She kept giving him baby after baby trying to get Jacob's love. She gave Rachel a special gift from her son just for a night with Jacob. But to no avail. Jacob never loved her like he loved Rachel. And it wasn't even Leah's...or Jacob's, for that matter...fault. Such tragedy!

But then there was the one girl in our group who always brings a different perspective, which is so refreshing! She said she felt terrible for Rachel. See, for the longest time Rachel was barren. So, although she had the absolute love and devotion of Jacob as well as the good looks in the family, she couldn't have children. And Leah, Jacob's other woman AND her sister, was popping 'em out like there was nothing to it! So she was seriously feeling like a loser slacker [well maybe not but you get the idea] and then God gave her a son. She got what she wanted! She had the great husband. She was totally the queen of the house. She had given him a son. Everything! But check out what she says after the birth of her first son: God has taken away my humiliation...May God add yet another son to me. Gen 30:22-24. One was not enough. She wanted more. So this different perspective member of our group says, "I think it's really tragic that she got what she wanted. Sometimes it's harder to have your dream come true because after a while you run out of things to dream about."

Ouch! I AM Rachel. That's why she ticks me off so much in this story. Because everything that she does wrong is everything that I do wrong! NOTHING is ever enough. When I get what I want, there's always something else that I want. I am never satisfied. I feel sorry for Leah because I've been there, too, not getting what you want most of all. I get that, but I have been a Rachel for much more of my life. That's why I love thinking about those two lovers in the poem...frozen in time just before their first kiss. Oh the anticipation! And although it seems like a great tragedy that they never actually get to experience the exhilaration of their lips meeting for the first time, they never have to experience the after thoughts that for most people go something like, "That was it?!" That's why I love high school students who are on the brink of leaving the nest and whose hearts are absolutely full of dreams and anticipation! Oh to be frozen there, where the future is untainted by reality. I think that's what has been so hard about this baby thing. After I have this baby, I really don't know what else I'm going to have to anticipate. Is that bad? Or weird? I don't know. I think we have to find a balance. In the words of Point of Grace, we need to learn to "Have what you want, but want what you have. Don't spend your life looking back!"

So, if you made it through this post - go you! I hope that you take some time to reminisce today. Just go back and remember what it was like to dream freely and unabashedly. And see if maybe, just maybe, you can find a way to dream like that again! And while your dreaming, appreciate what you do have and learn to believe...really, really believe...that if you never have another dream come true, your life would still be full because so many have come true already!