Good luck getting through this one...

1. Sorry I've been slacking. It's been an interesting couple of weeks...no time to gather my thoughts enough to write them down. The end.
2. I miss the Deep South...deep down ache and long for it. The smell, the land, the people. I had a dream last night that I was in this unnamed smallish Southern town and my heart was so full I could hardly stand it. Then Preacher Man was standing beside me telling me that we had to go. And my heart hurt so bad at the thought of leaving such a wonderful place. Must I have those feelings in my dreams, too?
3. I had a conversation with this guy the other day. Okay actually I just listened while he had a conversation with my coworker who actually has other friends here. Anyway, he sings - like woah sings. So a friend of his asked him to come sing at the church where he's now the Music Pastor. So ole boy who grew up here in this rather large and diverse city went to a smaller church in Tennessee. Not very super small...just smaller. And this is what he said, "Ya know, it was nice. Just one of those churches where everyone is the same and they all wear a lot of floral." Here's the thing - I get what he was saying. He wasn't being ugly. He was just noticing. He even said that and said it was great for his friend but, "I wouldn't be happy there." That's how he ended it. Well that got me to thinking. He definitely wouldn't be happy there. He's served jail time and has tattoos and loves hanging out with the homeless and downtrodden which is a very cool thing. But those people in their floral love Jesus, too. And maybe they reach a different group - the kind that wear a lot of camo and shoot guns and stuff. Or the kind that just need to be loved on because they live far away from their families. I don't know. I just think that I might could have been happy there. Maybe even happier there than here. Because some people love diversity. And I appreciate it...I really do. But other cultures don't fascinate me and I don't think that learning to speak another language is the best thing since sliced bread. I absolutely think you should reach out to all nations and all tongues - but what about THIS nation and THIS tongue??? I don't know. I'm wrestling with it.
4. I'm sick and tired of feeling like a slacker because I have not yet learned the other language Preacher Man speaks, which happens to be Portuguese. In a few days some of his friends who ALL speak Portuguese will be coming to visit and they will all ask, as they did a year and a half ago, "Your wife hasn't learned Portuguese yet?!" And Preacher Man will say, "No. She needs to though. I got her this learn to speak Portuguese program for her birthday but she hasn't used it yet." And they will look at me and say, "Oh...you have to learn!" And I will smile and nod and say, "Yeah I know," all the whilel thinking, "Why? Why do I HAVE to learn? Leave me the stink alone, okay?"
5. My whole family is going to have a big fun time in Branson for Thanksgiving. I'm going to stay here with a bunch of people I don't know that well and eat turkey [not fried] which I'm not really that crazy about. And people will try to make me feel better by distracting me and trying to form some sort of make-shift family for me but the truth is, I don't want another family. I like mine just fine thank you very much. I want to be closer to them. Father, I am begging you to let me live closer to them.